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Boundaries and Empathy: Two Sides of Healthy Relationships
By Certified Psychologist, Sex- and Couples Therapist, Therese - 7 June 2026
Many people believe they have to choose between being kind and setting boundaries. If they say no, they worry about hurting someone. If they prioritise their own needs, they fear being selfish.
But healthy relationships require both empathy and boundaries.
Empathy is the ability to understand and connect with another person's experience. It allows us to listen, care, and respond with compassion.
Boundaries are what help us stay connected to ourselves while doing so. They define where our responsibilities end and someone else's begin.
Problems often arise when empathy turns into over-responsibility.
For example, a friend may be struggling. Empathy allows us to recognise their pain and offer support. Without boundaries, however, we may begin to feel responsible for fixing their problems, managing their emotions, or sacrificing our own well-being in the process.
This is where many people get stuck.
You can understand why someone feels hurt without agreeing to something that doesn't work for you. You can care deeply about someone and still say no. You can be compassionate without carrying the weight of another person's emotional world.
In fact, boundaries often make empathy more sustainable.
When we have healthy boundaries, we are less likely to become resentful, overwhelmed, or emotionally exhausted. We can offer support from a place of choice rather than obligation.
A helpful distinction is this:
Empathy says: "I understand what you're feeling."
Boundaries say: "I know what I'm responsible for, and what I'm not."
Neither is complete without the other.
Empathy without boundaries can lead to burnout. Boundaries without empathy can feel rigid or disconnected. Together, they create relationships that are both caring and respectful.
The goal is not to care less about others. It is to care about others without abandoning yourself in the process.
Desire: Why You’re Normal
April 20th, 2026
By Therese - Integrative psychotherapist, couples & sex therapist in Barcelona
Concerned that your level of desire is different from your partner's, or not what you think it "should" be? Variations in desire are a normal part of being human and can change throughout life.
One helpful way to understand this is through the Dual Control Model, which suggests that our brains have systems that both encourage and inhibit desire. These systems are influenced by many factors, including stress, emotional connection, fatigue, mental health, relationship dynamics, and life circumstances.
Some people experience desire more spontaneously, while for others it develops in response to feeling connected, relaxed, or emotionally engaged. Both experiences are common and entirely normal.
Differences in desire within relationships are also very common. Understanding these differences can reduce self-criticism, improve communication, and foster greater connection and understanding between partners.
Rather than something to judge or fix, desire is often something to become curious about. Greater awareness can help people better understand themselves, their relationships, and their emotional well-being.
When the Body Goes Quiet: Desire, Guilt, and the Parts That Try to Protect Us
April 27th, 2026
By Therese - Integrative psychotherapist, couples & sex therapist in Barcelona
"I don't feel much desire, but I feel guilty about it. I keep thinking I should want it more. I don't know how to talk about it, and sometimes I wonder if something is wrong with me."
This is a common experience for many people. More often than not, it is not a sign that something is wrong. It is a sign that something deserves attention and understanding.
Desire is influenced by many factors, including stress, emotional connection, relationship dynamics, life transitions, mental health, and our relationship with ourselves. When life feels overwhelming, when needs go unspoken, or when there is pressure to meet expectations, desire can naturally shift.
Yet many people respond with self-criticism rather than curiosity.
Instead of asking, "What's wrong with me?" it can be more helpful to ask:
"What might be affecting how I feel right now?"
Approaching these experiences with curiosity rather than judgement can create space for greater self-understanding and more open communication with a partner.
Desire is not something that can be forced. It often responds best to feeling emotionally safe, understood, and connected.
Sometimes the goal is not to increase desire, but to better understand the factors that shape it. From there, meaningful change often becomes possible.
How Our Attachment Styles Shape Our Romantic Relationships
May 5th, 2026
By Therese - Integrative psychotherapist, couples & sex therapist in Barcelona
Our attachment style is the “emotional blueprint” we learned early in life. It shapes how we connect, how we protect ourselves, and how safe we feel with intimacy. In romantic relationships, this shows up quickly - usually in the moments when we feel most vulnerable.
Secure Attachment
You feel comfortable with closeness and independence. You can ask for what you need, stay present in conflict, and repair without shutting down or escalating. Your nervous system says: “Love is safe.”
Anxious Attachment
You crave closeness and fear distance. Silence or space can feel like rejection. Emotion runs high during conflict. Underneath is a longing to feel chosen and secure. Your nervous system says: “Stay close or I might lose you.”
Avoidant Attachment
You value independence deeply. Intimacy can feel overwhelming or intrusive, even when you want it. You may shut down during conflict or need more space than partners expect. Your system says: “Closeness is risky, don’t lose yourself.”
Disorganised (Fearful-Avoidant)
You want connection but feel unsafe in it. There’s a push-pull dynamic: “Come close… no, too close.” Conflict feels intense, trust feels complicated, and emotions can feel unpredictable. This often stems from early relational trauma.
The Good News
Attachment styles aren’t fixed. They’re learned strategies - and strategies can change. With awareness, practice, and support, we can move toward more secure relating: clearer communication, calmer bodies, safer intimacy, and deeper connection.
If you’re curious to explore your attachment patterns or how they play out in your relationship, I’m here to help.
Why do I feel disconnected during s*x?
May 10th, 2026
By Therese - Integrative psychotherapist, couples & sex therapist in Barcelona
Sex is supposed to be intimate and connecting, but sometimes it can feel like you’re just going through the motions. You might be physically present but emotionally far away. This feeling of disconnection, sometimes called dissociation, is very common - and it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.
Often, this happens because of your nervous system. If a part of you feels unsafe - maybe because of past experiences, stress, or tension in your relationship - your body can slip into a fight, flight, or freeze state. Dissociation is your body’s way of protecting you by "numbing out" or checking out mentally. You might feel numb, anxious, or like you’re watching yourself from the outside.
Your attachment style also plays a role. If you tend to feel anxious in relationships, you might crave closeness but worry about being rejected. If you lean more avoidant, you might instinctively keep some distance to feel safe. These patterns can show up strongly during sex, making true intimacy harder to reach.
Sometimes, there are even inner conflicts at play. A part of you may deeply want intimacy, while another part feels scared or vulnerable. These inner tensions can create a push-pull dynamic, leading to feelings of disconnection or dissociation.
The good news is, there are ways to shift this. Try slowing down and focusing on connection rather than performance. If you notice yourself disconnecting, pause and check in with your body. Most importantly, talk openly with your partner about what you’re feeling. Working with a therapist can help you explore these deeper patterns in a safe, supportive space.
Feeling disconnected or dissociated during sex isn’t a sign of failure—it’s an invitation to understand yourself more deeply and create the kind of intimacy you truly want.
What is Trauma?
May 15th, 2026
By Therese - Integrative psychotherapist, couples & sex therapist in Barcelona
Trauma isn’t just about what happened to you - it’s about what happened inside you as a result. It’s the way your body, mind, and nervous system were impacted when something felt overwhelming, unsafe, or too much to handle at the time. It’s not the event itself, but how alone, helpless, or scared you felt in that moment.
Sometimes trauma is clear and obvious. Other times, it’s subtle and builds slowly over time. Growing up without feeling loved or truly seen, experiencing constant stress, or living in an environment where you didn’t feel safe can all leave lasting imprints. Even if nothing “big” happened, your nervous system might still carry the weight of those experiences.
When we go through something overwhelming, our body has automatic survival responses: fight, flight, or freeze. If you couldn’t fight or run, your system might have shut down to protect you. The problem is, sometimes our body stays stuck there, even long after the event is over. This can show up as anxiety, numbness, feeling disconnected, or being easily triggered in ways you don’t fully understand.
For example, someone who grew up in a household where emotions were ignored might find themselves zoning out during arguments, feeling empty during intimacy, or reacting strongly to minor conflicts. These reactions aren’t personal failures - they’re signs that your nervous system is trying to protect you based on past experiences.
The good news is that trauma can be healed. Healing isn’t about forgetting what happened. It’s about helping your body and mind feel safe again. This often starts with creating a safe, supportive relationship - sometimes with a therapist - and slowly reconnecting with your body and emotions. Approaches like Internal Family Systems (IFS) and polyvagal-informed therapy can help you meet the parts of yourself that carry pain and bring them the care they’ve been needing.
Trauma is not a sign of weakness. It’s a natural response to overwhelming experiences. If you notice patterns of fear, disconnection, or pain in your life, it might be your body’s way of asking for attention and healing. With compassion, support, and time, it is possible to move forward and feel more whole again.
WHy do my partner AND i always have the same fight?
May 18th, 2026
By Therese - Integrative psychotherapist, couples & sex therapist in Barcelona
Do you ever feel like you and your partner are stuck in a loop, having the same fight over and over again? Maybe it starts with something small—like the dishes, money, or who initiates intimacy - but somehow it always spirals into the same argument. This is incredibly common, and it doesn’t mean your relationship is broken. It usually means there’s something deeper you’re both fighting for.
Beneath the surface-level issues, there are usually vulnerable needs and longings. Maybe you’re really fighting for appreciation, to feel like a priority, or to know that your partner truly sees you. When those deeper needs aren’t met, the fight becomes a way to reach for connection, even if it doesn’t look that way on the outside.
Your attachment style often influences how you fight. If you have an anxious attachment style, you might get louder or more demanding when you feel disconnected, hoping your partner will come closer. If you have an avoidant attachment style, you might shut down or pull away to protect yourself. One partner pursues while the other withdraws, and the cycle repeats.
These fights keep coming back because the real issue - the need for love, safety, or belonging - isn’t being fully seen or spoken. You’re not just clashing about chores or money; you’re both fighting for the same thing in different ways.
The key to breaking this cycle is slowing down and tuning into the deeper feelings underneath your anger or frustration. Instead of blaming, try sharing vulnerably: “I feel unimportant when…” or “I really need to know you’re here for me.” When both partners feel safe enough to reveal what they’re truly fighting for, real connection becomes possible.
If this feels too difficult to do alone, working with a therapist can help you untangle these patterns. Together, you can uncover the heart of the conflict and create a new way of relating.
Repeating fights aren’t a sign that love is gone - they’re an invitation to understand each other more deeply and to fight for your relationship, not against each other.